Taking Back Tuesdays: 3 years ago..

I was thinking of what to post this week. So I tried reading back some of my post. I have my own TBT and I started it 3 years ago. I was in excitement those days. I was soon be off to Bunbury Australia.

Sometimes, you have been blessed to do what other people dreams of doing. It wasn’t my dream to go out of the country and work and settle. I remembered one of my College professor asking me if I have plans to go abroad once I finish my degree. That time I said to her, I don’t intend on going somewhere else. The thought of leaving people behind is terrifying. If in case I don’t know someone in that foreign place, I don’t have any idea on what to do, worse, how to live my life.

I am living in someone else’s dream. I keep telling people this. It was also not my dream to become a chef. Well I have lots of dream. I wanted to do a lot of things. But during my College days, I chose to be a Culinary Arts Major. People don’t know that I only learned how to cook and such during College. Being a girl, I am expected to know how to cook. But then again, I cannot even prepare a simple dish. Anyway, since I started working, I basically started out as a cook then got my qualification to be a chef during my internship. I am fortunate that I earn a decent amount and love what I do. I always think that I am living someone’s dream so might as well make the most out of it.

It will work out, eventually. A friend asked me if I want to try applying for Internship in US. It didn’t work out for us. Then again, she found an alternative place, Australia. The hardest part is the decision. I asked people about it as well as ask my mom. She didn’t agree on me living alone in a foreign place wherein we don’t even have a relative. It’s such a pain asking for her permission as well as financial support for my plan. My friend talked to her and finally she agreed. After a year, I decided to stay here. She didn’t want me to go back. But I pursued her into letting me go. I used up all my savings and paid for everything. I sorted out my application and such. And here I am now, living solo happy and contented.

So what have you been doing 3 years ago?

Butterfly Effect: “Hard work pays off afterall”

So it seems that I’ve been posting once every 5- 6 months. Well, since work and Uni I’ve been preoccupied. The only thing stopping me from posting is the fact that I want to keep away from people. I think I’ve grown to the point I had reached the time of blogging yet being fully private.

Since I last posted, I’m not sure if I said that I am working on my previous company. Same company, same work. But since then, I have come to love my career more. I had experienced a lot of mishaps at work these previous months. Ups and downs. But all my supervisors say never to let those things come up to me. Maybe suck it in then spit it out. I’ve heard a few good compliments from everyone about my work as well as my attitude. Sometimes I just feel that I am the ‘ teacher’s pet’ of everyone. I don’t know. I just work my butt off, do better things and be myself. But the feeling of everyone talking behind my back seems to be a big deal for me.

I used to remember that during my work in Bunbury, my previous Head Chef said that I bring positivity and happiness to the group and that I bring us all together. I am not that talented into making new dishes nor my skills were that fully developed. I was still a budding chef at least here in Australia.

Sometime last October, I was my current Head Chef to fill up my student evaluation form. He wrote down that I am positive and reliable. I was so happy and overwhelmed with his comment. He even said that I contributed positive things to the group these past few months. I try to remember what I actually did to make him say that. I have been working hard and trying to patch things with everybody even though I have problems most of the time, I try not to get those people into my nerves. hehe. I try to elongate more my temper with them. After our team was changed, or at least some took off the company so they had to hire new ones, we started to build new and better working relationships. We support each other as to keep the other from having a hard time for the next shift. Makes sense?

My supervisors have been recommending me to do some shifts on other properties of our company. I had worked on that branch before and he said that I was requested by the chefs. I overheard their  CDP/ Sous Chef asking wait staff how was I on my first day working back there. It was busier nowadays there than when I worked there last July. Well, they said everything went well and I am good on what I am doing. The other day, I was surprised. I thought our Executive chef is watching me while I work. Then he leaned beside me and said that I will be a part of the team who will prepare the Christmas party food for the General Managers. I was so overwhelmed and then he said it was on December 11. And I probably be in Bunbury, WA that time, so I had to turn down his proposal. I was in regret that I thought of cancelling my flight and hotel reservations for the trip. I thought that this is my chance to cook for Executives of the company and my chance to prove that I can work in that Luxury property of the company. A chance slipped just like that. I just turned into positive thoughts of me having other chance or next time for a similar task.

Before that, my Executive Chef asked me of my plans after I finish my Degree. Well as of now, I am uncertain. I am still trying to figure out what work would I do after. He said the company is open for some position I wanted, at least based on my credentials and company history of course. I don’t know what he knows about how I work but based from other people, I know they are talking and chatting most of the time of what is happening and about us, their staff. I am not trying to brag about my achievements, well I don’t really have it. lol. I am just saying that “HARD WORK PAYS OFF AFTERALL.” 🙂

Life lessons I learned growing up (A Year Wiser?)

In my Twenty six years of existence, I’ve passed my quarter life crisis. I’ve been to places. I’ve been with different kinds of people. Yet I still have to learn lots of things about life.

Life is an ocean (Photo by Hannah Nacis)

1. Not Everything is about you.

It may seem that whenever you do things, it is just for you. Ever wonder how people get affected by your decisions and doings?

2. Time flies fast, so as your life.

One moment you’re still with your family. Then you wake up and boom, “I’m alone.”

3. It’s normal to feel afraid of taking risk.

Who isn’t afraid to take risk? Even the toughest person feels frightened you know. You are just afraid because it will be out of your comfort zone. You wouldn’t know how it will turn out unless you try right.

4. Making mistake is part of life. So as regrets.

Less expectations, less disappointments, less mistakes? I don’t think so. When you fail on something, that’s when you start learning. It is okay to regret that something. But by the end of the day, you learned something.

5. Tough times come when you least expect it.

When everything seems right, something is wrong. Yes there will always be a ‘something’ that will rock your world. Maybe you can’t handle it now, but you’ll just laugh it off later.

6. It’s not childish to cry and seek for help.

When everything is out of place, it is okay to cry in a corner or better with someone. It is alright to ask for help during those times. Just don’t forget to say thank you afterwards.

7. Life has four seasons.

Enough said.

8. Money can’t buy happiness, but sometimes it can.

No one can buy your happiness, but they can buy something that will lead to it right. Like a simple flower. Or maybe… a house. 😛

9. It’s never too late to try new things.

Learning doesn’t stop after you finish Uni. You can still go out and try other things. Play another instrument. Paint. Drive a car, etc.

10. Life is an endless adventure.

Whether you attained happiness, your life doesn’t stop there. Definitely you still seek for other things or other people that will make you happier and content in life.

My happiness is my choice

It was such a busy day for me today Monday. I had Uni in the morning and work in the afternoon ’til the evening. I’ve been trying to blog lately. I really miss telling my story and others as well. I find it hard at times to find a topic to discuss. I guess I’m not that keen to post anything about movies, books, places and other things besides my personal life.

I told you a lot of times that reading my blog is like me inviting you to know me. I think nowadays I’m just emotional over things. I’m too overwhelmed of things and people as well. I passed by the phase of circle of confusion wherein I literally had a headache and emotional stress. Now, I am happier. I get to smile and laugh without thinking of other things and people’s feelings. Just thinking of my own happiness for now.

I remember in one of my favorite movie (Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru) someone said, “You hold someone else’s happiness.” I think this is true for most people. Without you knowing it, you are someone’s happiness as well as sadness. I was. I am.

I wouldn’t elaborate on the sadness of things, I’ve done that in my previous posts. All I can share tonight is my happiness. I am happy on how are things now. Words and feelings have been expressed. It is clearer now. My phase of confusion is gone. I don’t know if God heard my prayers of asking for peace of mind. But I am happy. We are happy. 🙂

Taking Back Tuesdays: “I missed you even when I was with you.”

I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.

Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.

If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.

Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.

I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1^st is his mother, 2^nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.

It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.

I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.

 

Taking Back Tuesdays: My Writing Adventure

I have a good memory for when I started writing.This skill/ talent isn’t innate in me but I just developed it through the years. I think my whole totality started to come out since I started writing as well.

Photo by Ohlordy (http://www.lomography.com/homes/ohlordy)

Back in my gradeschool, I used to be this awkward smart nerd in school whom everyone doesn’t notice (I think that I was invisible to them). Like one of my friends said, I talk to people which means I’m all over the place, thus, no permanent friends. Gradeschool in the Philippines is somehow like that. Every year you make new friends then mostly neglect your old friends. I even didn’t notice that not until my best friend now told me that I became a snob after Grade 2. hahaha. So much for being a friend ae. I think I just stopped being a snob and started opening up to people since Grade 5 and 6. From there, I developed close friends. I was less of the awkward girl that I used to be. lol. I think people started liking me in a good way atleast. I remembered one of our teacher gave us this activity wherein you divide a box into positive and negative. Your classmates can write to you on a piece of paper what they like or hate about you or if you did something nice or bad to them. Positive things sent to you should be folded and thrown into the positive side while a crumpled paper is into the negative side. More positive than negative things is a good start right.That’s when I started understanding myself better. Unknowingly, they like me as being nice, generous, helpful and a good friend.

When I started my Freshmen year in Highschool, we had a teacher who was also our adviser, Ms Helen. She gave us this weekly assignment of keeping a journal/diary in which she is the only one who can read it. I kept on writing and writing about stuff, people, etc in it. No hesitations. No regrets. It seems that it was my only pathway to expressing myself, my true self. I mean I’m not pretentious or anything. I’m just reserved and I have a hard time trusting people. Anyway, I started writing heaps and heaps. A page was not enough to tell everything. haha. Back then I wasn’t aware that there was an online community for writing,thus, blogging.

After that assignment, I started keeping a journal. Even though I tried hiding it from my brothers,they still find it anyway. So I stopped writing. That’s when I found out about Blogs. Since then I have a love hate relationship on my blogs. There was a time in which my friend got mad at me because of a post I made about her. Afterwards, that’s I became careful posting stuff.

My previous blogs were confused. No certain category. No Tabs. No anything besides me sharing stuff. That’s why I started this Blog.

My blog is my personal space. I get lost every time I compose something here. I can go to places, try out things, and be with people all around the world. You reading my blog is like me being vulnerable to you. I’m not good into opening up to people personally, but in writing, I can fully express and can find the right words to explain almost everything. 🙂

 

 

Butterfly Effect: “This is who I am now”

Love. Hate. Change. That’s Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

 

It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)

A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.

Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.

People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.

Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.

Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.

In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.

I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.

I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.

Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.

P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. 😦

“Even Misfits can fit in”: Benny & Joon (Movie Review)

It was a gloomy morning for me. The sun is behind the clouds and it is somewhat raining. I slept last night wondering of things and woke up feeling the same thing.

After two hours of slacking into my bed, I pulled myself up and made toast and tea for breakfast. I looked for a decent movie (in my landlords collection).

That’s when I found an old movie called “Benny and Joon.” You know how I do my reviews ae. I don’t put a summary or plot here on my blog but instead find things to ponder within that movie. To tell you honestly, I still can’t find the proper words for this review. haha

I have been fascinated with movies that are about Psychological problems and Misfits.A factor why I liked the movie was because of Johnney Depp. He is really a great actor. He had portrayed lots of characters throughout the years.

“She paints, she reads, she sets things on fire.” – Benny

Being mentally ill, Joon just does a routine everyday. Most days she just does these things. Hey what’s wrong with these? Ain’t these so fun and relaxing yeah. (excluding the fire part. lol)

“Having a Boo Radley moment, are we?” – Joon

I still remember him from the book “To Kill a Mockingbird.” Everyone seems to be fascinated with him even though most are scared. Like I am, misunderstood by people as being antisocial or too introvert at times, I like to detach myself to people and be alone. I always tell people that sometimes I just need to step back to see the reality. You can understand life more by doing such. Same with people, you can understand someone once you get to know him personally. Never be judgemental on things, people and life.

“Joon: Did you have to go to school for that?

Sam: No, no, I got thrown out of school for that.”

There are things that are not learned from school. People have either innate talent or developed skill. Sometimes, those people who are pulled down by others are the ones who push themselves more to be better. 🙂

“He keeps me up at night watching stupid old movies, my work is starting to suffer.” – Mike

There are times when you found someone to be a bit burden on you, and sometimes you can’t see their importance because you’re blinded with things. Giving them a chance to show their skills and capabilities. You might even discover that he/she is a blessing in disguise. 🙂

On Misfits:

I think I am an example of Misfit person. I’m not too mainstream or too hipster. I’m the “In Between.” I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not just to fit in. I have my own pace in life and in almost everything. Misunderstood by people, I developed this attitude of “I don’t care if they’re talking about me.” Of course I still do care about what they think of me but I’m not pretentious. I can’t say that I am eccentric like Sam (Depp). But I know I’m indifferent. you don’t need to explain yourself. Be who you are. Show them what you’re capable.

BENNY & JOON: 4 THUMBS UP

Taking Back Tuesdays: It’s “About Time”

I wasn’t sure what to watch these days. So I tried to look for movies about life. I wanted to be inspired with my life. I’ve been slacking around most days of my life. I mean all I do is work work work and I forgot how to live a happy life with family and friends.

Thinking of what category this post be, I was torn between “Taking Back Tuesdays” or “The Butterfly Effect”, But I decided it suits more on the first. Time Travel. hehe

If you’re a fan of Time Traveler’s Wife and Butterfly effect, I’m sure that you will like the movie “ABOUT TIME”.

I am not a big believer of second chances, But what if we can undo things and do something else better? Would you do it like what Tim did in finding his life partner, to his sister and to other people? Or will you just live everyday like it is your last?

If I were to travel back in time, I would probably do the exact things that he did. But changing those events has butterfly effect on others. The saying “You Only Live Once” is a good Mantra in life ei. Things we did and regret don’t necessarily mean that it’ll ruin some things in the present or future. It only means that we should make things better in the future.

Like Tim, whenever I miss my dad, I wanted to turn back time to the fun memories we had.

I wanted to spend quality time with my dad badly, but I think I wasn’t able to do so. I can’t remember a time that we spent a day, just the two of us doing something fun or maybe we had spent it but I was too young to remember things. Then again, I still remember the times when he sends and picks me up from school and stopping over to buy food. One of the memorable things that I remember was when I stayed at the boarding house for an entire month and he called me and asked how am I doing at college and when will I be back home. He told me that he’ll cook my favorite food “Sinigang” when I come back. It was the first time that he called to check on me because usually my mom was the one checking.

If I were to choose my life partner, probably I would also do what Tim did. Haha. Lol.

Photo by Hannah Nacis

I mean making things perfect or right for that one person you love. The imperfections of you and your partner is what makes your relationship interesting so why change it. It’s just up to you how you can use those to grow together or fall apart.

And lastly, turning back time for someone’s happiness would be a good idea.

Photo by Teo Esguerra

Don’t be too selfish ei. Helping other people to be happy is also fulfilling don’t you think. But never try to do something if you’ll just end up hurting people for one’s sake. If you have no idea how to help, rather wait for that person to ask for it instead.

Watching this movie makes me want to live my life to the fullest. I mean making it more worthwhile, living the moment and appreciate things and people more. I often forget that the simpliest things are the things that’ll make you happy most of the time. Passing thru the superficial things is hard, but once you get a hang of it, it’s quite nice as well. Make ordinary things extraordinary. Turn bad experiences to good memories.

In reality, we just have to deal with everything and everyone that comes in our way. We just simply need to live life not as how others want it to be but how we want to live our life.

ABOUT TIME: 5 THUMBS UP

Also Check out Teo’s tumblr portfolio

Life Inspiration: “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” (Movie review)

It’s been so long since I last had a movie or book review here. Anyway, I watched this movie on New Year’s Day and I can say that it is a great movie to jumpstart my 2014. The title itself made me curious on what the story is all about besides that it is a Ben Stiller movie. Anyway, read on if you’re interested on what I saw in this movie.

I wouldn’t even start spoiling you with summary of narration of the movie. Go watch it yourself!!lol. hehe. I watched the trailer and all I can think of was maybe I should watch this in theater instead of me waiting for its copy. It might not be a popcorn movie, but I know that it is worth paying for.  It’s about love, life, finding oneself and journey. Maybe it’s a bit hipsterish.lol haha. If you’re into photography, journalism, mystery, life story and travelling, you would enjoy this.

There are also life inspiring quotes which I recall from the movie.

 “Beautiful Things don’t ask for attention.” – Certainly, the least noticeable things are the most beautiful of all. Sometimes even the most dangerous things are the most exciting to do.

“Life is about courage and going into the unknown.” – You don’t need a lot of courage to try something. Just trust yourself and you can do anything. J Not knowing is scary, but not trying is scarier.

“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” – This is the highlight quotation from the movie. It is simple yet very inspiring and straight to the point.

I’m like Walter in a sense that sometimes I have this Zone out moments but not to the point of exaggerating over things. Haha. I mean like a day dreaming sort of Zone out. I was scared to try things. I was stuck in one point of my life not knowing what to do next. But certainties made me try new things in life and made me realize what I’m missing.

I’m not sure if I told you that I’m not a risk taker when I was younger. The fear of failure and rejection comes whenever we think of risks. But you won’t be able to conquer or do anything unless you try isn’t it. You’re just trying to escape or take another way instead of trying. Life is full of risks to jump into. Whether it’s going to be worth it or not, you just need to see the world and experience it. If you won’t succeed the first time, it’s normal. Try again until you get the satisfaction that you want. Never keep yourself in a box. Explore and see the world in a different perspective. You might be surprised on what you’re missing. Being frightened is normal, you can take baby steps and even bring a torch to lessen that fear. You can ask for help if there’s a need. You can also ask for a company (friend/ family) so you won’t feel alone going thru that risky rocky path that you’ll take. Never stop dreaming. Never stop trying.

Seeing this movie made me want to explore more, find myself more and take risks farther than I expect to. At this point of my life, I’m going thru certain issues and life decision. I am afraid, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying.

Hope that I inspire you with something upon my review.

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY: 5 THUMBS UP