Path to Happiness

“Blue skies fading away” (Photo by Hannah Nacis)

Finding happiness is a challenge.
It is not easily attained.
You have to work hard for it.

It feels like you’re climbing a high mountain and the force of gravity is pulling you down.
You see the sky so blue today then a storm comes tomorrow.
Birds chirping good melodies then suddenly a group of crows shout loudly.

You look in the mirror and you see a shadow of despair.
But sometimes, a shine of light peaks thru the window.
A sign of little happiness on its way.

Behind those dark cloud is the sun wanting to come out.
Maybe it’s you who should go out
Explore the world and find the sun rays.

Choosing which path to take to find your happiness is confusing.
You can either be on a rocky road or in a straight easy way.
Whatever you choose, remember you can make it til the end.

Attaining happiness is not an ending.
It is a new beginning to someone else happiness.
Sharing it is the best part of all.

Hannah (25/09/2014)

“Lost in music” : Begin Again (Semi movie review)

“Begin” (Lomodoubles with Teo Esguerra : Lomo Xpro 100)

I just finished watching the movie “Begin Again” (Keira Knightly, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine) and I was totally amazed with it.

In the movie, Adam made a song that made Keira realize what he did. Later, Keira sends back a message to Adam thru a song voice message. Things got emotional between them and a song which Keira wrote and Adam sang became a perfect ending to the movie. (Ooopps sorry spoiler!).

Thinking that this movie might be just another Love story, I was not prepared. This is a good movie especially if you’re into Music and of course Adam Levine. Jk. But yeah mostly music. Be inspired to write songs and melodies. Pick up a pen and paper and your guitar. I don’t know with other people but after watching the movie, I totally appreciated more the meaning of the movie’s soundtrack, “Lost Stars.” It was such a good song that it was the reason I watched the movie. Hearing it sung in the movie melt my heart.

Most of my friends know that I love music. I am not good at playing musical instruments neither am I a songwriter. But thru music, I can express my feelings. Listening to what I usually hear whenever I’m sad, angry or happy, is a way you can get to know me better. Watching me enjoy my favorite bands live in a gig or concert is really enticing to the eyes. Letting me play a guitar is me showing you my vulnerability.

Throughout these years, I can easily connect with people thru music. Just a pop of question regarding their favorite song or artist is a way for me to start a conversation. Thru this, I can understand a person more. Hearing their type of music lets me know what their message or hidden emotions are.

Nowadays, music is one of my medium into knowing a great person, a special friend. At times when I just don’t want to say my feelings, I just send him hints thru my music. I just have no guts to tell someone what I am feeling exactly. I am scared, too afraid of things. Somehow I find the right songs for my message. Whew. Same goes with him. He doesn’t need to tell me details. He just picks a song for me to hear. One of these days, I can see us sitting down and playing songs, jamming. Him playing the guitar and me singing with another guitar. Just enjoying each others’ company thru music.

Begin Again : 5 Thumbs Up

My happiness is my choice

It was such a busy day for me today Monday. I had Uni in the morning and work in the afternoon ’til the evening. I’ve been trying to blog lately. I really miss telling my story and others as well. I find it hard at times to find a topic to discuss. I guess I’m not that keen to post anything about movies, books, places and other things besides my personal life.

I told you a lot of times that reading my blog is like me inviting you to know me. I think nowadays I’m just emotional over things. I’m too overwhelmed of things and people as well. I passed by the phase of circle of confusion wherein I literally had a headache and emotional stress. Now, I am happier. I get to smile and laugh without thinking of other things and people’s feelings. Just thinking of my own happiness for now.

I remember in one of my favorite movie (Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru) someone said, “You hold someone else’s happiness.” I think this is true for most people. Without you knowing it, you are someone’s happiness as well as sadness. I was. I am.

I wouldn’t elaborate on the sadness of things, I’ve done that in my previous posts. All I can share tonight is my happiness. I am happy on how are things now. Words and feelings have been expressed. It is clearer now. My phase of confusion is gone. I don’t know if God heard my prayers of asking for peace of mind. But I am happy. We are happy. 🙂

Irony of Silent Love

Photo taken by: Hannah. Australia: LCA+ Fujichrome Astia 100F

Loving this time is very inevitable.

Wrong timing. There’s no right timing in love.

There’s just a 50/50 chance. Yes or no to put your feet into it.

Serendipity. Fate. Destiny.

One of life’s poignancy and irony.

It’s either you make it or break it with him.

Imaginary. Illusion.

I think I’m delusional.

I couldn’t decipher even the easiest puzzle in front of me.

It’s too complex. I’m too complex.

How can a simple thing called Love be difficult.

Maybe I just make it complicated.

Vulnerable. Confusing. That’s how I describe it.

If only I can say everything, every word that comes to mind I will.

But the thing is, I know people will be hurt. I will be hurt.

Keeping quiet is my only option now. But it is hurting me.

It’s like a huge bomb waiting to explode inside me.

I couldn’t help but wonder, do I deserve this silent love?

(Hannah 07/09/2014)

Taking Back Tuesdays: “I missed you even when I was with you.”

I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.

Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.

If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.

Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.

I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1^st is his mother, 2^nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.

It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.

I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.