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Taking Back Tuesdays: 3 years ago..

January 19, 2016 Leave a comment

I was thinking of what to post this week. So I tried reading back some of my post. I have my own TBT and I started it 3 years ago. I was in excitement those days. I was soon be off to Bunbury Australia.

Sometimes, you have been blessed to do what other people dreams of doing. It wasn’t my dream to go out of the country and work and settle. I remembered one of my College professor asking me if I have plans to go abroad once I finish my degree. That time I said to her, I don’t intend on going somewhere else. The thought of leaving people behind is terrifying. If in case I don’t know someone in that foreign place, I don’t have any idea on what to do, worse, how to live my life.

I am living in someone else’s dream. I keep telling people this. It was also not my dream to become a chef. Well I have lots of dream. I wanted to do a lot of things. But during my College days, I chose to be a Culinary Arts Major. People don’t know that I only learned how to cook and such during College. Being a girl, I am expected to know how to cook. But then again, I cannot even prepare a simple dish. Anyway, since I started working, I basically started out as a cook then got my qualification to be a chef during my internship. I am fortunate that I earn a decent amount and love what I do. I always think that I am living someone’s dream so might as well make the most out of it.

It will work out, eventually. A friend asked me if I want to try applying for Internship in US. It didn’t work out for us. Then again, she found an alternative place, Australia. The hardest part is the decision. I asked people about it as well as ask my mom. She didn’t agree on me living alone in a foreign place wherein we don’t even have a relative. It’s such a pain asking for her permission as well as financial support for my plan. My friend talked to her and finally she agreed. After a year, I decided to stay here. She didn’t want me to go back. But I pursued her into letting me go. I used up all my savings and paid for everything. I sorted out my application and such. And here I am now, living solo happy and contented.

So what have you been doing 3 years ago?

Taking Back Tuesdays: “I missed you even when I was with you.”

September 2, 2014 Leave a comment

I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.

Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.

If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.

Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.

I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1st is his mother, 2nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.

It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.

I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.

 

Taking Back Tuesdays: My Writing Adventure

August 25, 2014 Leave a comment

I have a good memory for when I started writing.This skill/ talent isn’t innate in me but I just developed it through the years. I think my whole totality started to come out since I started writing as well.

Back in my gradeschool, I used to be this awkward smart nerd in school whom everyone doesn’t notice (I think that I was invisible to them). Like one of my friends said, I talk to people which means I’m all over the place, thus, no permanent friends. Gradeschool in the Philippines is somehow like that. Every year you make new friends then mostly neglect your old friends. I even didn’t notice that not until my best friend now told me that I became a snob after Grade 2. hahaha. So much for being a friend ae. I think I just stopped being a snob and started opening up to people since Grade 5 and 6. From there, I developed close friends. I was less of the awkward girl that I used to be. lol. I think people started liking me in a good way atleast. I remembered one of our teacher gave us this activity wherein you divide a box into positive and negative. Your classmates can write to you on a piece of paper what they like or hate about you or if you did something nice or bad to them. Positive things sent to you should be folded and thrown into the positive side while a crumpled paper is into the negative side. More positive than negative things is a good start right.That’s when I started understanding myself better. Unknowingly, they like me as being nice, generous, helpful and a good friend.

When I started my Freshmen year in Highschool, we had a teacher who was also our adviser, Ms Helen. She gave us this weekly assignment of keeping a journal/diary in which she is the only one who can read it. I kept on writing and writing about stuff, people, etc in it. No hesitations. No regrets. It seems that it was my only pathway to expressing myself, my true self. I mean I’m not pretentious or anything. I’m just reserved and I have a hard time trusting people. Anyway, I started writing heaps and heaps. A page was not enough to tell everything. haha. Back then I wasn’t aware that there was an online community for writing,thus, blogging.

After that assignment, I started keeping a journal. Even though I tried hiding it from my brothers,they still find it anyway. So I stopped writing. That’s when I found out about Blogs. Since then I have a love hate relationship on my blogs. There was a time in which my friend got mad at me because of a post I made about her. Afterwards, that’s I became careful posting stuff.

My previous blogs were confused. No certain category. No Tabs. No anything besides me sharing stuff. That’s why I started this Blog.

My blog is my personal space. I get lost every time I compose something here. I can go to places, try out things, and be with people all around the world. You reading my blog is like me being vulnerable to you. I’m not good into opening up to people personally, but in writing, I can fully express and can find the right words to explain almost everything. 🙂

 

 

Taking Back Tuesdays: It’s “About Time”

January 28, 2014 Leave a comment

I wasn’t sure what to watch these days. So I tried to look for movies about life. I wanted to be inspired with my life. I’ve been slacking around most days of my life. I mean all I do is work work work and I forgot how to live a happy life with family and friends.

Thinking of what category this post be, I was torn between “Taking Back Tuesdays” or “The Butterfly Effect”, But I decided it suits more on the first. Time Travel. hehe

If you’re a fan of Time Traveler’s Wife and Butterfly effect, I’m sure that you will like the movie “ABOUT TIME”.

I am not a big believer of second chances, But what if we can undo things and do something else better? Would you do it like what Tim did in finding his life partner, to his sister and to other people? Or will you just live everyday like it is your last?

If I were to travel back in time, I would probably do the exact things that he did. But changing those events has butterfly effect on others. The saying “You Only Live Once” is a good Mantra in life ei. Things we did and regret don’t necessarily mean that it’ll ruin some things in the present or future. It only means that we should make things better in the future.

Like Tim, whenever I miss my dad, I wanted to turn back time to the fun memories we had.

I wanted to spend quality time with my dad badly, but I think I wasn’t able to do so. I can’t remember a time that we spent a day, just the two of us doing something fun or maybe we had spent it but I was too young to remember things. Then again, I still remember the times when he sends and picks me up from school and stopping over to buy food. One of the memorable things that I remember was when I stayed at the boarding house for an entire month and he called me and asked how am I doing at college and when will I be back home. He told me that he’ll cook my favorite food “Sinigang” when I come back. It was the first time that he called to check on me because usually my mom was the one checking.

If I were to choose my life partner, probably I would also do what Tim did. Haha. Lol.

Photo by Hannah Nacis

I mean making things perfect or right for that one person you love. The imperfections of you and your partner is what makes your relationship interesting so why change it. It’s just up to you how you can use those to grow together or fall apart.

And lastly, turning back time for someone’s happiness would be a good idea.

Photo by Teo Esguerra

Don’t be too selfish ei. Helping other people to be happy is also fulfilling don’t you think. But never try to do something if you’ll just end up hurting people for one’s sake. If you have no idea how to help, rather wait for that person to ask for it instead.

Watching this movie makes me want to live my life to the fullest. I mean making it more worthwhile, living the moment and appreciate things and people more. I often forget that the simpliest things are the things that’ll make you happy most of the time. Passing thru the superficial things is hard, but once you get a hang of it, it’s quite nice as well. Make ordinary things extraordinary. Turn bad experiences to good memories.

In reality, we just have to deal with everything and everyone that comes in our way. We just simply need to live life not as how others want it to be but how we want to live our life.

ABOUT TIME: 5 THUMBS UP

Also Check out Teo’s tumblr portfolio

Taking Back Tuesdays: Life is Harsh!!

January 8, 2013 Leave a comment

I just realized that it took me six months to realize how I really love reading books and writing whatever topic comes to mind. I was too busy starting out my career as a Cook and hopefully a Chef that I forgot how it feels to write.

I’ll be starting out this Taking Back Tuesdays wherein I will share to you some of my past experiences in life which can inspire you.

LIFE IS HARSH!

It has been almost eight months since I became a bum. I mean I wasn’t able to find a work after finishing my academic years due to personal reasons. July to September 2012 I was recommended to re train. I felt refreshed. I wasn’t aware that I hadn’t lost my skills in cooking and Managerial skills. I became a trainee at my University’s Coffee Shop. But then again, some things I’m working on made me stressed and depressed. I don’t have a back up plan. And then I decidedd to start working thus earning some funds of my own insteaad. Luckily, I was accepted as a Kitchen staff at a Cafe- Restaurant. And nowadays, that’s what’s keeping me excited is I’m off to a greener pasture soon.

I realized a lot of things after these things happened.

Life is harsh! It is really a pain in the ass. Smallest thing can happen and suddenly everything can change. Even the slightest decision can make a lot of difference.

When things went wrong, make it right by starting again. You can’t undo some mistakes you did that made the situation worse. Instead of stressing and/or depressing over those, set new goals. I’m sure you can make it right this time. 🙂

Frustrations, problems and such can ruin you. I understand the feeling of being frustrated. The feeling that everything seems to be out of your plan. Instead of thinking why these happened to you, just think and believe that everything and everyone will have their own time.

Waiting and Patience is a virtue. Just trust that in time, everything will be okay.

(If you’re not into waiting..) Why wait later when you can act now! Nothing will happen to you if you just wait on fate to land on your shoulders. If waiting is not a plan, then don’t wait and lay around. Walk and run towards your goal. Start now!

It had no time to waste those times that I thought about these things. I have to decide in days on what to do with my life, specifically with my career. May these things clear your mind and Start this year right. 🙂

By the way, HAPPY NEW YEAR. 🙂

*Hopefully I can revive my blog again. I really miss this space. 🙂