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Lodging into my Comfortable Silence

January 7, 2014 Leave a comment

What a very long day for me. I slept late again last night talking to my boyfriend. I had a split shift (6-10am, 3-9pm) duty today. I felt tired waking up too early. During my five hour break, I couldn’t fall asleep maybe because of that Macchiato that I had during breakfast. I was staring at the ceiling, closing my eyes and opening them again. I can’t sleep. I have to do something that would tire me. I opened my laptop and logged into my WordPress. I had composed something for my “Taking Back Tuesdays”, but I ended up not posting it. I don’t know if this is the right time to post it.

Still wide awake, I just dressed for work, ate lunch while listening to Ed Sheeran. I posted the status “Comfortable Silence” on my facebook because I want to lodge myself in that zone. By the end of Dinner service, I went home, ate dinner and took a shower.  I just need a quiet time alone to rest and relax even just for tonight. I didn’t even wake up my boyfriend so he can also rest well. I feel like I’m floating in space tonight. I can’t think of anything, of anyone. It seems that I have a weak body and soul that I can easily be put into trance.

My playlist for tonight’s Comfortable Silence:

  1. Closing Time – Matchbox 20
  2. Halflife – Duncan Sheik
  3. The Scientist – Coldplay
  4. Pale Yellow Light (I love their entire album)
  5. Pause & Meron ba – Kjwan
  6. Sleepwalk Circus ( the artist whom I listen to whenever I need to relax)
  7. Musical O (almost same as #6)
  8. Alanis Morisette
  9. Deep – Binocular
  10. Superman –  Five for Fighting
  11. Bizare Love Triangle – Frente
  12. Drive – Incubus
  13. Power of two – Indigo Girls
  14. Shakespeare in love – Layla Kaylif
  15. I’d Rather – Luther Vandross

And now I am finally dozing off. Finally… ZZZZzzzzzzzz

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“It just flew away”. Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014

January 1, 2014 1 comment

this is it.. my year end summary.. i do it ever year to look back at memories.. but I think the last time I did this was back in 2010.

“Madaming nagbabago. Pero may mga bagay parin na hindi na magbabago.” – lourd de veyra, Rakista narrator

DID YOU HAD A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION?

☺I never had a new year’s resolution. lagi naman.. (same answer every year. ahahahaha)

WHAT DID YOU DISCOVER IN YOURSELF DURING 2013?
╚ i can cope with anything.. any hardships that I encountered, i can say that I am still standing.
╚ people come and go, yet I can bare with whatever.
╚ in the end, it’s all on me. Advices are just there.
╚ it’s okay to get hur just as long as you stand up again.
╚ im still into blogging.. (it’s here that I can post almost everything)
╚ still striving hard in my career
╚ I can be independent but I still need help. hahaha

WHAT DID YOU DO THAT YOU LIKED IN 2013?
• gone to Australia for my Internship and be independent
• meeting other races
• having mistakes and learning from it.
• travelling by myself
• hanging out with my friends (especially my new found friends)
• taking risks

DATES THAT YOU LIKELY TO REMEMBER IN 2013:

♣March 14 I left Philippines

♣March 18 I started my Internship

♣ May 16-18 3day long Birthday Celebration away from home

♣ June 24 I started to move on

♣ Oct 15-30 met new friend. became my close friend 🙂

♣ Nov8-14 yey gone to Singapore wth mom, aunt, lil bro.

♣ Dec … ❤

♣ Dec24,25 first time spending Christmas away from home

♣Dec 31 Last Dinner Service at work. 🙂 Busy but so much fun.

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU REGRET DOING/HAVING?
♦ this year, I regret doing something. It was really stupid for me. I won’t tell this here but all I can say is I should’ve waited longer. 😦

WHAT THINGS WERE YOUR “FIRST TIME”?
◘ leaving in a foreign country with no family, friends or relatives

◘ House party. hahahahaha

◘ no social life apart from work

◘ Long distance relationships.

◘ being independent and living solo.

◘ spending my own money to buy something expensive

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU WANT TO LEAVE BEHIND IN 2013?
○ bitter things..
○ sad moments
○ awful times
○ bad experiences
○ people who ignored me and just notices me if they’re in need/bored

*Same old stuff everytime haha

WHAT WILL YOU MISS IN 2013?
♦ maybe nothing. i can still do the things i did in 2014.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2014?
**as always, I don’t plan too ahead. but just for 2014, I had set a 3year plan.

♥ finish my internship and go back to the Philippines
♥ learn how to drive (before going back to Australia)
♥ attend a MakeUp Class (beginners and pro)
♥ spend summer somewhere
♥ Sort things between my new boyfie and I
♥ plan an out of town trip with boyfie
♥ stay healthy
♥ stay thrifty
♥ go back to Australia to study
♥ buy a car (hopefully after I get my tax return on July)
♥ shoot more
♥ buy laptop or dslr
♥ travel to other parts of Australia
♥ SAVE!!!!!
♥ go to music and art festivals
♥ go on holiday in Bali?

**hope I can fulfill most of what’s in here.

♥TO MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS: thanks. sorry. i love you!
♥TO GOD: thanks for everything.. may you bless us all..

☺☺☺HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.. GOD BLESS ☺☺☺

**I am sure that I didn’t post a lot for this summary. anyhow, I hope it’ll suffice you, my readers, about my life.

Christmas Eve worth remembering

December 25, 2013 1 comment

This year’s Christmas Eve is so different for me. I have a close family bond and every occasion is celebrated in our family. We’ll go out and have lunch or dinner in a fancy restaurant. Sometimes, we go out of town and enjoy the sun and the weather. But this year is my first time to celebrate this festive event away from home.

I don’t know what to do, where to stay and what to prepare or if I should even celebrate it. I think this is also the first time that I’m not excited to celebrate. I always follow the countdown from the 100 days before Christmas. I used to list down names of family and friends whom I will give gifts. I used to message all of my friends online and personally. I am a jolly believer of Christmas Season.

This year, I am in Land down under (Australia). I am alone with no family nor relatives. I only have some friends and workmates to celebrate. When I went to the big city, Perth, I bought some gifts for my friends and went gaga shopping for myself. hahaha. Day of Christmas eve, 24th December, I worked Split shift. I spent my break looking for other gifts for my friends and finished my gift wrapping.

Recently, I found my new special someone. He is in the Philippines miles and miles apart from me. We couldn’t help but become sentimental over things we could’ve done together for this season. Like me, He works away from his family. In other words, he’s gonna spend Christmas alone with no family at home. When I told my mom about this, my mom and brother asked him to spend Christmas Eve at my place. I wasn’t even sure if this was serious. But I still told him that. Without any hesitations, he said yes. I was shocked because I don’t know if he’ll go there without me. It’ll be his first meeting with my family and I’m not there. Terrifying isn’t it!!!! I was so anxious that I couldn’t sleep well that night. hahahaha

Christmas Eve, I was at my close friend’s home. My mom called her if I can stay there and spent Christmas Eve. We have a festive Noche Buena. I also had a good talk with my boyfriend and family over skype and viber. I was seeing them so happy that I didn’t even feel sad that I’ve got to spend that night away from them. They were so happy. I am happy.

Afterwards, I had another alone time with boyfie. It was really such a good talk that we almost slept 4am. hahahaha. (I’ll tell you all about him next time okay. 🙂 ). He woke me up at 7am to tell me he is off to work and that he had a great Christmas Eve with my family.

Spending Christmas Eve away from home isn’t bad after all. 🙂

HAPPY CHRISTMAS DAY FELLAS.

Cheers,

Hannah

Christmas Summer Nights: Inspired or Sentimental?

December 8, 2013 Leave a comment

Oh I guess it is finally the time of the year wherein people get excited over things and of course the events. December means it is the start of Christmas Season at least for other countries. But in the Philippines, we start our season once September comes (“-Ber” months).

This year, my Christmas season is different. I am in Australia. I am with no family and just friends I barely know until now. It’ll be my first Christmas away from home, thus, my family L . Whenever people ask me what I want for Christmas, I couldn’t think of anything. I always tell people that I have everything that I wanted, materially speaking though. Haha. Most girls are said to be materialistic, but I think I am different. Yeah I want some things, but most of the time I always pray for good health, happiness, wisdom and peace of mind. These are the intangible things that I want.

I have been walking to work these days and I realized that I merely see the beauty of my surroundings. I started to notice the flowers, trees, birds and the sun rising. I feel more inspired as I walk my way to work. Even the cold summer breeze during the night inspires me. I seldom feel good and relax nowadays. But the breeze made me remember a lot of memories; my childhood, my friends, my family and even my ex – boyfriend.

I think most people feel sentimental during December or Christmas Season, the time of the year that is most celebrated but come to think of it, some people, including me, find it lonely. It was December of 2009, my father is bed ridden and we have to spend Christmas in the hospital. I was so sad that night. While everyone is sleeping, I can’t help but wonder how life would be without my father. L Another memory I always remember was back in 2003 or 2004. My family is having financial problems that time so it was our first Christmas which is not that festive. My mom even gave us inexpensive gifts despite our situation.

For last Christmas, my mom tried her best to make it so happy and festive. We have my Aunt’s family for Christmas and we did have the best time. My mom wanted me to experience happy Christmas since she knows I’ll be spending it alone this year.

Anyway, all is well nowadays. I have to update you people about what is happening to me. ASAP.

Cheers,

Hannah

Finding oneself is a continuous process

November 17, 2013 1 comment

I should’ve just published this post the first time I saved it. I wrote this last November 17,2013 before going to sleep.

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I didn’t realize that it has been a month since I last posted here. So I was on my anti social days for the past month. I just got back from my holiday of ten days and will start working again soon.

I will tell you more about my holiday some time. For now, i just want to share some things about my life experiences.

Losing oneself and getting it back.

For the past months, I’ve been having this moment where I am losing myself in the process of finding it. I was so destructed and stressed out on things that really don’t matter at all. I always tell myself not to think too much. This is the hardest task to do for me. I tried to pause for awhile. I couldn’t think of any possible reason not to overthink anymore. I should, I must.

Detaching myself to people Im getting close to is my way to avoid me getting hurt and disappointed too much. I am never a fan of that 100% giving my love to others. I still keep atleast 35% for myself. Despite of keeping away from these people, i wonder why I am still feeling close to them. Maybe I learned to lower down my walls since the day I decided to open up to them.

Getting myself back may also mean that I just need to go back to my roots, aka my family. I just spent time with them, away from work, friends and other people. It felt really refreshing for me. Maybe I just needed time off from others and be with my family..

Going into a holiday somewhere really helped me find my alone time, at least away from work. places and people I’m too familiar. I am that kind of person that is never contented staying in one place and doing the same things over again. I just need to ponder around to get relax and inspiration every now and then.

Until now, I am not 100% sure that I have found myself again. I just think that at least I regained some parts of my lost self now. haha. Anyhow, I think finding oneself is a continuous process isn’t it? So I am not that bothered anymore if I still couldn’t find my other parts even years from now.

What is in front of me is what matters now. I should just deal with my present instead of over thinking and stressing myself out to my future. I know that when the right time comes, “Everything will fall into place without forcing it.” 🙂

Cheers,

Hannah

Soul Searching: My Antisocial days

October 8, 2013 Leave a comment

These past few months, I’ve been all over the place. I mean I feel like I made a mess out of myself. It didn’t occur to me that I am losing myself, my old good self.

This post might be self – absorbed but please just read and bear with me.

People say that it is better to “Be yourself” at all times. But what if you are losing yourself in the process of finding it? The search into finding myself here in a foreign country is too tough. I told myself that this experience is like “Soul Searching” for me. I just realized that here I am again in the same situation of losing myself. The change was too abrupt that I didn’t realized, not until now, that it made me such a mess. I began to worry and stress more over simple things. Yes I do over think most of the time, but it’s my nature.

I have no family or relatives here. I just developed friendship with some people and others still acquaintance. Living alone here put a big impact on my well-being. I did some things differently and even did new odd things. I am easily influenced by my surroundings. I wasn’t like this before. I am doing wrong and unimaginable things these days.

After some realization, I begun telling myself that I need to be antisocial for a while and detach myself to people and to things here. I need to find out what’s wrong and bring out the goodness in me. I made a “Note to self” post on my planner to remind me of what I should do.

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I don’t know how long this would last but I hope it would turn out well for me.

P.S. I won’t stop posting or blogging though. This is one of my outlet so I’ll continue. 🙂

Cheers,

Hannah

The Butterfly effect: Stay or Go

September 18, 2013 Leave a comment

I am starting this “The Butterfly Effect” in my blog today. This is looking through different angles of life wherein your actions and decisions in life affects or has an effect on others.

I haven’t really blogged or vlogged lately. Maybe because things seem to be going against my way. People seem to be unreachable these days. I mean I am not blaming them for doing things their way, but if somehow they still care things would be better.

You cannot really tell what will happen in the future. People just come and go.

I. There are those people whom you don’t expect to come. You willingly accept them in your doorstep, feed them and even let them stay. But what happens if this stranger becomes too comfortable staying at your place? Yeah you’re getting annoyed. But hey you, it was your decision to let him in. Nonetheless, you can decide to either let him stay or ask him to leave. What happens after he leaves? You both go your separate ways. It is your choice if you still want him to come back though. But what if he never comes back? Is it his lose or your lose?

II. Someone ,whom you became almost close to family, plans to leave. Should you ask him to stay? You know for a fact the he has a valid reason. It is for his own good. Yeah own selfish act most of the time. Because of this plan of leaving, he then disregards things or people whom he’ll leave. What will you do? What will you say to him? He decided his own fate, so just move on and stop whining about him leaving.

III. What if it is I who should decide whether to stay or go? What will I do? other people’s advice won’t matter still. It is I who needs to decide on what to do. It is a life long decision that most people experience. It may be as simple as staying or leaving your house to go to work or to the mall. One decision can change your entire life and others as well.

What will happen when you realize that you cannot do anything on any of these scenarios? Will you just go with the flow or will you still go against it? Will you be able to cope up with the changes that will occur? Think of it that at least your paths crossed whether anyone decides to stay or go. 🙂