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Posts Tagged ‘experience’

Surprise surprise!

February 13, 2016 Leave a comment

Every year, Feb 13, day before Valentine’s day I always tell people I stay up too late that next morning I don’t have the energy to celebrate Valentine’s day. Tonight is no exception.

I am a chef so I work most days with longer hour from 8-10hours. I rarely get the chance to celebrate occasions with family and friends. Valentine’s day for example. To most people, they go out and celebrate this day with their special someone. As for me, both my boyfriend 20160211_185812.jpgand I are working. So we had to rain check whatever we want to do or plan. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t get special gifts. Because he is that surprising guy, while I was at work Last thursday, he dropped by my place and left me something. Yes I am not a typical roses girl. I like Sunflowers better. But I noticed he loves giving me this especially during winter days whenever sun is out. I keep on thanking him for these. This is the best flower arrangement he has given me. With that purple flower and pot. He said it should’ve had a letter but he did some scribble or something and ended up throwing it. He just used my sketch pad and left it beside it. The note is just timely.. haha. and the panda, well he gave that to me months ago. it’s our own thing. 🙂

Getting back to my late night Feb 13, Tonight I had to stay back til 11:30pm to help out people at work. We had a very busy night and knowing that I had to stay back, well I couldn’t do anything about it. Work is work. During past years, it was the same, I had to work or was doing project for during college.

When I was single, my family and I go out to dinner. Mom would always give me something as a Valentine’s gift. She loves giving her only daughter gifts. When I got into relationships, either I got work or he comes with me and my family out. I’ve never experienced a romantic date with my boyfriend not even a bouqet of flowers these pretty, not until my recent guy. Even if it is not Feb 14, whenever he gets a chance, he surprises me or plans something for us. I am very thankful and glad that he exerts much effort to plan. In return, I cook for him. Of course I am a chef. I want to serve him the best food he can taste. I leave him notes whenever I’m not around and sends him sweet text messages,etc.

Spending Feb 14 alone at home or at work isn’t bad because I am still happy to know that someone loves me and even not on Valentine’s day, we can celebrate love anytime we want. 🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day!! ❤

 

 

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Taking Back Tuesdays: “I missed you even when I was with you.”

September 2, 2014 Leave a comment

I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.

Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.

If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.

Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.

I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1st is his mother, 2nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.

It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.

I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.

 

Taking Back Tuesdays: My Writing Adventure

August 25, 2014 Leave a comment

I have a good memory for when I started writing.This skill/ talent isn’t innate in me but I just developed it through the years. I think my whole totality started to come out since I started writing as well.

Back in my gradeschool, I used to be this awkward smart nerd in school whom everyone doesn’t notice (I think that I was invisible to them). Like one of my friends said, I talk to people which means I’m all over the place, thus, no permanent friends. Gradeschool in the Philippines is somehow like that. Every year you make new friends then mostly neglect your old friends. I even didn’t notice that not until my best friend now told me that I became a snob after Grade 2. hahaha. So much for being a friend ae. I think I just stopped being a snob and started opening up to people since Grade 5 and 6. From there, I developed close friends. I was less of the awkward girl that I used to be. lol. I think people started liking me in a good way atleast. I remembered one of our teacher gave us this activity wherein you divide a box into positive and negative. Your classmates can write to you on a piece of paper what they like or hate about you or if you did something nice or bad to them. Positive things sent to you should be folded and thrown into the positive side while a crumpled paper is into the negative side. More positive than negative things is a good start right.That’s when I started understanding myself better. Unknowingly, they like me as being nice, generous, helpful and a good friend.

When I started my Freshmen year in Highschool, we had a teacher who was also our adviser, Ms Helen. She gave us this weekly assignment of keeping a journal/diary in which she is the only one who can read it. I kept on writing and writing about stuff, people, etc in it. No hesitations. No regrets. It seems that it was my only pathway to expressing myself, my true self. I mean I’m not pretentious or anything. I’m just reserved and I have a hard time trusting people. Anyway, I started writing heaps and heaps. A page was not enough to tell everything. haha. Back then I wasn’t aware that there was an online community for writing,thus, blogging.

After that assignment, I started keeping a journal. Even though I tried hiding it from my brothers,they still find it anyway. So I stopped writing. That’s when I found out about Blogs. Since then I have a love hate relationship on my blogs. There was a time in which my friend got mad at me because of a post I made about her. Afterwards, that’s I became careful posting stuff.

My previous blogs were confused. No certain category. No Tabs. No anything besides me sharing stuff. That’s why I started this Blog.

My blog is my personal space. I get lost every time I compose something here. I can go to places, try out things, and be with people all around the world. You reading my blog is like me being vulnerable to you. I’m not good into opening up to people personally, but in writing, I can fully express and can find the right words to explain almost everything. 🙂

 

 

Butterfly Effect: “This is who I am now”

August 19, 2014 Leave a comment
Love. Hate. Change. That's Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

Love. Hate. Change. That’s Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

 

It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)

A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.

Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.

People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.

Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.

Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.

In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.

I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.

I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.

Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.

P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. 😦

Taking Back Tuesdays: It’s “About Time”

January 28, 2014 Leave a comment

I wasn’t sure what to watch these days. So I tried to look for movies about life. I wanted to be inspired with my life. I’ve been slacking around most days of my life. I mean all I do is work work work and I forgot how to live a happy life with family and friends.

Thinking of what category this post be, I was torn between “Taking Back Tuesdays” or “The Butterfly Effect”, But I decided it suits more on the first. Time Travel. hehe

If you’re a fan of Time Traveler’s Wife and Butterfly effect, I’m sure that you will like the movie “ABOUT TIME”.

I am not a big believer of second chances, But what if we can undo things and do something else better? Would you do it like what Tim did in finding his life partner, to his sister and to other people? Or will you just live everyday like it is your last?

If I were to travel back in time, I would probably do the exact things that he did. But changing those events has butterfly effect on others. The saying “You Only Live Once” is a good Mantra in life ei. Things we did and regret don’t necessarily mean that it’ll ruin some things in the present or future. It only means that we should make things better in the future.

Like Tim, whenever I miss my dad, I wanted to turn back time to the fun memories we had.

I wanted to spend quality time with my dad badly, but I think I wasn’t able to do so. I can’t remember a time that we spent a day, just the two of us doing something fun or maybe we had spent it but I was too young to remember things. Then again, I still remember the times when he sends and picks me up from school and stopping over to buy food. One of the memorable things that I remember was when I stayed at the boarding house for an entire month and he called me and asked how am I doing at college and when will I be back home. He told me that he’ll cook my favorite food “Sinigang” when I come back. It was the first time that he called to check on me because usually my mom was the one checking.

If I were to choose my life partner, probably I would also do what Tim did. Haha. Lol.

Photo by Hannah Nacis

I mean making things perfect or right for that one person you love. The imperfections of you and your partner is what makes your relationship interesting so why change it. It’s just up to you how you can use those to grow together or fall apart.

And lastly, turning back time for someone’s happiness would be a good idea.

Photo by Teo Esguerra

Don’t be too selfish ei. Helping other people to be happy is also fulfilling don’t you think. But never try to do something if you’ll just end up hurting people for one’s sake. If you have no idea how to help, rather wait for that person to ask for it instead.

Watching this movie makes me want to live my life to the fullest. I mean making it more worthwhile, living the moment and appreciate things and people more. I often forget that the simpliest things are the things that’ll make you happy most of the time. Passing thru the superficial things is hard, but once you get a hang of it, it’s quite nice as well. Make ordinary things extraordinary. Turn bad experiences to good memories.

In reality, we just have to deal with everything and everyone that comes in our way. We just simply need to live life not as how others want it to be but how we want to live our life.

ABOUT TIME: 5 THUMBS UP

Also Check out Teo’s tumblr portfolio

Christmas Summer Nights: Inspired or Sentimental?

December 8, 2013 Leave a comment

Oh I guess it is finally the time of the year wherein people get excited over things and of course the events. December means it is the start of Christmas Season at least for other countries. But in the Philippines, we start our season once September comes (“-Ber” months).

This year, my Christmas season is different. I am in Australia. I am with no family and just friends I barely know until now. It’ll be my first Christmas away from home, thus, my family L . Whenever people ask me what I want for Christmas, I couldn’t think of anything. I always tell people that I have everything that I wanted, materially speaking though. Haha. Most girls are said to be materialistic, but I think I am different. Yeah I want some things, but most of the time I always pray for good health, happiness, wisdom and peace of mind. These are the intangible things that I want.

I have been walking to work these days and I realized that I merely see the beauty of my surroundings. I started to notice the flowers, trees, birds and the sun rising. I feel more inspired as I walk my way to work. Even the cold summer breeze during the night inspires me. I seldom feel good and relax nowadays. But the breeze made me remember a lot of memories; my childhood, my friends, my family and even my ex – boyfriend.

I think most people feel sentimental during December or Christmas Season, the time of the year that is most celebrated but come to think of it, some people, including me, find it lonely. It was December of 2009, my father is bed ridden and we have to spend Christmas in the hospital. I was so sad that night. While everyone is sleeping, I can’t help but wonder how life would be without my father. L Another memory I always remember was back in 2003 or 2004. My family is having financial problems that time so it was our first Christmas which is not that festive. My mom even gave us inexpensive gifts despite our situation.

For last Christmas, my mom tried her best to make it so happy and festive. We have my Aunt’s family for Christmas and we did have the best time. My mom wanted me to experience happy Christmas since she knows I’ll be spending it alone this year.

Anyway, all is well nowadays. I have to update you people about what is happening to me. ASAP.

Cheers,

Hannah

Finding oneself is a continuous process

November 17, 2013 1 comment

I should’ve just published this post the first time I saved it. I wrote this last November 17,2013 before going to sleep.

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I didn’t realize that it has been a month since I last posted here. So I was on my anti social days for the past month. I just got back from my holiday of ten days and will start working again soon.

I will tell you more about my holiday some time. For now, i just want to share some things about my life experiences.

Losing oneself and getting it back.

For the past months, I’ve been having this moment where I am losing myself in the process of finding it. I was so destructed and stressed out on things that really don’t matter at all. I always tell myself not to think too much. This is the hardest task to do for me. I tried to pause for awhile. I couldn’t think of any possible reason not to overthink anymore. I should, I must.

Detaching myself to people Im getting close to is my way to avoid me getting hurt and disappointed too much. I am never a fan of that 100% giving my love to others. I still keep atleast 35% for myself. Despite of keeping away from these people, i wonder why I am still feeling close to them. Maybe I learned to lower down my walls since the day I decided to open up to them.

Getting myself back may also mean that I just need to go back to my roots, aka my family. I just spent time with them, away from work, friends and other people. It felt really refreshing for me. Maybe I just needed time off from others and be with my family..

Going into a holiday somewhere really helped me find my alone time, at least away from work. places and people I’m too familiar. I am that kind of person that is never contented staying in one place and doing the same things over again. I just need to ponder around to get relax and inspiration every now and then.

Until now, I am not 100% sure that I have found myself again. I just think that at least I regained some parts of my lost self now. haha. Anyhow, I think finding oneself is a continuous process isn’t it? So I am not that bothered anymore if I still couldn’t find my other parts even years from now.

What is in front of me is what matters now. I should just deal with my present instead of over thinking and stressing myself out to my future. I know that when the right time comes, “Everything will fall into place without forcing it.” 🙂

Cheers,

Hannah