Butterfly Effect: “This is who I am now”

Love. Hate. Change. That’s Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

 

It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)

A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.

Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.

People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.

Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.

Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.

In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.

I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.

I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.

Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.

P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. 😦

The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time ( A semi- book review)

I was searching for something to buy one time I’m at the mall. I wanted to buy something for myself because I’m too sad that day. I tried looking on book-thrift stores and music stores.

Before going home, I finally went to National Bookstore. I prefer buying here because I have a membership card. I tried Powerbooks but they pulled out their membership.

Anyway, I searched for Haruki Murukami and Paulo Coelho. I need to have any book from them. (I’ll just leave this story on my next book blog). On my way to the cashier, a book captured my interest. That red book with an upside down silhouette of a dog. The Curious Incident of the dog in the night-time.

The Book (Photo by Hannah Nacis (me))

I read it’s plot from the book’s back cover. What captured me was the main character, Christopher. He was a gifted fifteen year old boy who is autistic. I remembered the movie “Mozart and the Whale” which has got to do about autism.

And also, I am really into books who features children.

Reading the book put me into a trance. It’s as if I’m inside the book and experiencing it. I also remembered my Dad. It also reminded me of my Geometry class back in highschool. I was so dumbfounded in every geometry problems we are solving. I am good at math but geometry was an exception for me.

Have you ever come to something you saw on tv or read in a book or magazine then later you actually experienced it? I don’t know how to word out my thoughts about this but I did experience such thing.

Some quotes I like:

“On the fifth day, which was a Sunday, it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”

“Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.”

“Lots of things are mysteries. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t an answer to them. It’s just that scientists haven’t found the answer yet.”

“And then I thought that I had to be like Sherlock Holmes and I had to detach my mind at will to a remarkable degree so that I did not notice how much it was hurting inside my head.”

“The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.”

I know the feeling behind these quotes. Reading these made me nod my head to things especially when I’m sad.

I remembered something I read which is something like this,

“A certain book waits to be read at the right time. It will call you to pick it up.”

I think this book is really timely for me. While reading it, I seem to forget my sadness and all the negativity I experienced. 🙂

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