Butterfly Effect: “Hard work pays off afterall”

So it seems that I’ve been posting once every 5- 6 months. Well, since work and Uni I’ve been preoccupied. The only thing stopping me from posting is the fact that I want to keep away from people. I think I’ve grown to the point I had reached the time of blogging yet being fully private.

Since I last posted, I’m not sure if I said that I am working on my previous company. Same company, same work. But since then, I have come to love my career more. I had experienced a lot of mishaps at work these previous months. Ups and downs. But all my supervisors say never to let those things come up to me. Maybe suck it in then spit it out. I’ve heard a few good compliments from everyone about my work as well as my attitude. Sometimes I just feel that I am the ‘ teacher’s pet’ of everyone. I don’t know. I just work my butt off, do better things and be myself. But the feeling of everyone talking behind my back seems to be a big deal for me.

I used to remember that during my work in Bunbury, my previous Head Chef said that I bring positivity and happiness to the group and that I bring us all together. I am not that talented into making new dishes nor my skills were that fully developed. I was still a budding chef at least here in Australia.

Sometime last October, I was my current Head Chef to fill up my student evaluation form. He wrote down that I am positive and reliable. I was so happy and overwhelmed with his comment. He even said that I contributed positive things to the group these past few months. I try to remember what I actually did to make him say that. I have been working hard and trying to patch things with everybody even though I have problems most of the time, I try not to get those people into my nerves. hehe. I try to elongate more my temper with them. After our team was changed, or at least some took off the company so they had to hire new ones, we started to build new and better working relationships. We support each other as to keep the other from having a hard time for the next shift. Makes sense?

My supervisors have been recommending me to do some shifts on other properties of our company. I had worked on that branch before and he said that I was requested by the chefs. I overheard their  CDP/ Sous Chef asking wait staff how was I on my first day working back there. It was busier nowadays there than when I worked there last July. Well, they said everything went well and I am good on what I am doing. The other day, I was surprised. I thought our Executive chef is watching me while I work. Then he leaned beside me and said that I will be a part of the team who will prepare the Christmas party food for the General Managers. I was so overwhelmed and then he said it was on December 11. And I probably be in Bunbury, WA that time, so I had to turn down his proposal. I was in regret that I thought of cancelling my flight and hotel reservations for the trip. I thought that this is my chance to cook for Executives of the company and my chance to prove that I can work in that Luxury property of the company. A chance slipped just like that. I just turned into positive thoughts of me having other chance or next time for a similar task.

Before that, my Executive Chef asked me of my plans after I finish my Degree. Well as of now, I am uncertain. I am still trying to figure out what work would I do after. He said the company is open for some position I wanted, at least based on my credentials and company history of course. I don’t know what he knows about how I work but based from other people, I know they are talking and chatting most of the time of what is happening and about us, their staff. I am not trying to brag about my achievements, well I don’t really have it. lol. I am just saying that “HARD WORK PAYS OFF AFTERALL.” 🙂

Butterfly Effect: “This is who I am now”

Love. Hate. Change. That’s Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

 

It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)

A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.

Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.

People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.

Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.

Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.

In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.

I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.

I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.

Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.

P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. 😦

The Butterfly effect: Stay or Go

I am starting this “The Butterfly Effect” in my blog today. This is looking through different angles of life wherein your actions and decisions in life affects or has an effect on others.

I haven’t really blogged or vlogged lately. Maybe because things seem to be going against my way. People seem to be unreachable these days. I mean I am not blaming them for doing things their way, but if somehow they still care things would be better.

You cannot really tell what will happen in the future. People just come and go.

I. There are those people whom you don’t expect to come. You willingly accept them in your doorstep, feed them and even let them stay. But what happens if this stranger becomes too comfortable staying at your place? Yeah you’re getting annoyed. But hey you, it was your decision to let him in. Nonetheless, you can decide to either let him stay or ask him to leave. What happens after he leaves? You both go your separate ways. It is your choice if you still want him to come back though. But what if he never comes back? Is it his lose or your lose?

II. Someone ,whom you became almost close to family, plans to leave. Should you ask him to stay? You know for a fact the he has a valid reason. It is for his own good. Yeah own selfish act most of the time. Because of this plan of leaving, he then disregards things or people whom he’ll leave. What will you do? What will you say to him? He decided his own fate, so just move on and stop whining about him leaving.

III. What if it is I who should decide whether to stay or go? What will I do? other people’s advice won’t matter still. It is I who needs to decide on what to do. It is a life long decision that most people experience. It may be as simple as staying or leaving your house to go to work or to the mall. One decision can change your entire life and others as well.

What will happen when you realize that you cannot do anything on any of these scenarios? Will you just go with the flow or will you still go against it? Will you be able to cope up with the changes that will occur? Think of it that at least your paths crossed whether anyone decides to stay or go. 🙂

An encounter with my Achilles’ Heel

So long time no post ei. So it’ll be my second month here in Bunbury Australia. So far so good. I mean come to think of it, my first month was really that hard, especially that I am alone. I have no family nor friends here with me to help me sort things out or just even listen to my problems, rants and joys.

But that first month, even though it was tough for me, seemed to have helped me improve and mature. I had mixed emotions throughout that month. From the excitement of starting my work, to meeting new people and of different nations, time of coping up, maybe a little of culture shock, frustrations, jealousy, pressure and depression. It was my first time to even experience these emotions in my life and problems which I can proudly say that I solved.

After that first month, I had a few realizations. I must be able to stand up on my two bare feet, be strong and be mature with things. Yeah I admit that I was really pressured at my work. I can’t cope up with how they want me to work. I mean they thought that I have a lot of experience towards work that’s why during my first month they kept on pushing me hard, as in really hard. There was this time that I thought I messed up things and I wanted to cry. But I didn’t, instead I still carried myself well. At home that night, it was when I cried. Hehe. I won’t let anybody at work see me cry or lonely. It took days before I started to be back with my cheerful self. I mean it took me long before I stopped thinking about my frustrations and stopped pressuring myself more. Expectations, they ruin things okay.

When things cleared out for my chefs that I wasn’t well experienced, they said sorry for they treated me hard. Since then, they were patiently teaching me and answering my questions.

These days, I do better on my work. I coped up fast without me realizing it. I pleased and impressed my chefs with my work. I am too is impressed on how far I’ve come through since day 1.

My family and friends might know that I am independent and strong. This independency and strength of mine were really put to test with my situation and location now. Who would have thought that I can surpass those challenges. Yeah, even the strongest person has his/her own Achilles’ Heel (weakness).

Cheers,

Hannah

Tonight, I feel for you

Today was a good day for me. But when I came home and checked the account of someone on facebook, I was left with awe.

taken by mrosy (on Lomography.com)

Let me put it this way, years ago, I also became brokenhearted. It was one heck of a pain that I felt. I don’t know how to handle such feeling. I fell in love for the first time and the person whom I entrusted my love broke my heart.

Everyone says that the first cut is the deepest. Hence the song:

Going thru the pain, I don’t know what to do. I remembered shedding a lot of tears for that boy (I think he’s not that man enough. long story.). I wasn’t aware how it affected me. But come to think of it, I was surprised on how I coped with it. Yes, I was sad and lonely, brokenhearted and torn, but let me tell you, that was one of my best time for my career. It was at its peak. I became active in a lot of  school organization, joined competitions and my grades were still fine. To think I was depressed and such, it haven’t done any damage to my studies and activities. Even though most of the time my concentration was affected, it was as if I just had a dirt on my eyes.

taken by mandashitley on Lomography.com

Losing someone is painful. But think of it this way, God won’t let you fall into the wrong person, but He will give you a chance to be with someone you’re meant to be with. Personally, I’m not a believer of Destiny or Fate. But I just believe that God has better plans for those who are deeply hurt.

Instead of putting a lot of energy into being sad and depressed, why not face the fact that “Pain is inevitable” and try to move on. Start now. Start instilling into your head and heart that if you’re meant to be with that person, things will fall back to its place. If not, there will be someone not like him/her, but even better. 🙂

Why am I telling you all of these? Because tonight, I feel for you. I want to help you make baby steps into coping up with this pain. It doesn’t matter if  you tell me you can’t do it now, but at least you have something, someone to hold onto. 🙂