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Posts Tagged ‘personal’

Taking Back Tuesdays: 3 years ago..

January 19, 2016 Leave a comment

I was thinking of what to post this week. So I tried reading back some of my post. I have my own TBT and I started it 3 years ago. I was in excitement those days. I was soon be off to Bunbury Australia.

Sometimes, you have been blessed to do what other people dreams of doing. It wasn’t my dream to go out of the country and work and settle. I remembered one of my College professor asking me if I have plans to go abroad once I finish my degree. That time I said to her, I don’t intend on going somewhere else. The thought of leaving people behind is terrifying. If in case I don’t know someone in that foreign place, I don’t have any idea on what to do, worse, how to live my life.

I am living in someone else’s dream. I keep telling people this. It was also not my dream to become a chef. Well I have lots of dream. I wanted to do a lot of things. But during my College days, I chose to be a Culinary Arts Major. People don’t know that I only learned how to cook and such during College. Being a girl, I am expected to know how to cook. But then again, I cannot even prepare a simple dish. Anyway, since I started working, I basically started out as a cook then got my qualification to be a chef during my internship. I am fortunate that I earn a decent amount and love what I do. I always think that I am living someone’s dream so might as well make the most out of it.

It will work out, eventually. A friend asked me if I want to try applying for Internship in US. It didn’t work out for us. Then again, she found an alternative place, Australia. The hardest part is the decision. I asked people about it as well as ask my mom. She didn’t agree on me living alone in a foreign place wherein we don’t even have a relative. It’s such a pain asking for her permission as well as financial support for my plan. My friend talked to her and finally she agreed. After a year, I decided to stay here. She didn’t want me to go back. But I pursued her into letting me go. I used up all my savings and paid for everything. I sorted out my application and such. And here I am now, living solo happy and contented.

So what have you been doing 3 years ago?

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Happy Nostalgic Christmas

December 25, 2014 Leave a comment

Sorry if I hadn’t posted anything for my blog’s anniversary last December 20. To make it up to my readers, I am posting this blog on Christmas day.

Today, everyone is either staying at home with their family while others spend it away from home, thus, me spending it here in Melbourne. It is my second year of Christmas away from home. It’s my first time spending it with a S.O. Most of the time I just stay at home with my family and relatives just come over our house to celebrate.

Three years ago, I started an oil painting, Christmas themed. But the sad truth was that I didn’t get to finish it, not even half of it. Since I started doing my art again here, I will try to recreate that unfinished master piece in watercolor. I haven’t tried doing something on my own again, meaning without me copying others’ work. I tried once but I just failed ’cause I couldn’t do it in Oil Paint. Anyway, I feel inspired into doing another painting soon.

I’m celebrating my Christmas with my boyfriend and his family. I remembered my first stay here, we were just friends back then but his dad even told me to spend this day with them. Spending it away from home makes me feel homesick of course. He (bf) said to me all he can do is stay with me this day just to fill up that empty space. His family is my family here. He is my family. 🙂 I’ve been waiting for so long to feel this way. It is my first time to feel this kind of love, unconditional love. Yes I am a spoiled girlfriend, he gave me lots of love (and gifts). hehehee.. ^_^

Christmas Decors in Dandenong

Christmas day is one day where you feel happy and sad at the same time. You feel joyful and festive with everyone, but feel nostalgic about things. I do. I still remembered that year where Christmas was spent differently. Two years ago is one of the best Christmas that our family had. My cousins from other countries went home and all came to spend it with us. It is my first time seeing our family so happy on Christmas day. I didn’t know that it’ll happen that year. it was my last Christmas with them and I’m glad that we spent it so joyful. Oh well, I just miss them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL.

Regards,

Hannah 🙂

My happiness is my choice

September 15, 2014 Leave a comment

It was such a busy day for me today Monday. I had Uni in the morning and work in the afternoon ’til the evening. I’ve been trying to blog lately. I really miss telling my story and others as well. I find it hard at times to find a topic to discuss. I guess I’m not that keen to post anything about movies, books, places and other things besides my personal life.

I told you a lot of times that reading my blog is like me inviting you to know me. I think nowadays I’m just emotional over things. I’m too overwhelmed of things and people as well. I passed by the phase of circle of confusion wherein I literally had a headache and emotional stress. Now, I am happier. I get to smile and laugh without thinking of other things and people’s feelings. Just thinking of my own happiness for now.

I remember in one of my favorite movie (Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru) someone said, “You hold someone else’s happiness.” I think this is true for most people. Without you knowing it, you are someone’s happiness as well as sadness. I was. I am.

I wouldn’t elaborate on the sadness of things, I’ve done that in my previous posts. All I can share tonight is my happiness. I am happy on how are things now. Words and feelings have been expressed. It is clearer now. My phase of confusion is gone. I don’t know if God heard my prayers of asking for peace of mind. But I am happy. We are happy. 🙂

Taking Back Tuesdays: “I missed you even when I was with you.”

September 2, 2014 Leave a comment

I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.

Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.

If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.

Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.

I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1st is his mother, 2nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.

It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.

I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.

 

Butterfly Effect: “This is who I am now”

August 19, 2014 Leave a comment
Love. Hate. Change. That's Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

Love. Hate. Change. That’s Life (Photo by Hannah Nacis, LCA+)

 

It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)

A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.

Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.

People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.

Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.

Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.

In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.

I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.

I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.

Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.

P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. 😦

For the first time in Forever: Hi Melbourne

August 3, 2014 Leave a comment

I am starting my blogpost with a big SORRY!!! I was suppose to update you guys when I went back to the Philippines last March. But due to my netbook being dysfunctional and me procrastinating, I haven’t really got any update on my beloved blog. (I might blog about my summer vacation in the Philippines some other time. I mean I can make a travel/location post about those anyway.)

Whenever some thing new happens into my life, that is when I begin to post again.

So here I am again in a new place and back to University to study. After almost 3 months of vacation in the Philippines, I pushed through my plan on going back to Australia. But now, I moved to a new city, Melbourne, Victoria.

Unlike in Bunbury, I didn’t know anyone there which made my first few months hard and lonely. A few years back, I tried to contact my childhood classmate, Vincent, whom I knew moved to New Zealand. To my surprise, their family moved to Melbourne.We started messaging each other when I decided that I wanted to come back and this time in Melbourne.

On July 17, I finally arrived. He offered to pick me up from the airport and was so kind to let me stay in their place for a few days.

I had no expectations towards the city. I just came here to work and study. Saturday, we decided to go to the city. Since I’m not a fan of shopping malls, I told him to bring me to places wherein we can also shoot (photo).

Starting the day with Brunch at Trotters in Lygon street. Every bite of Gnocchi Beef Ragu is a spoonful.

And because we’re both photo enthusiasts, he decided to bring me into a camera museum in Michael’s

Overwhelmed with cameras. haha (Photo by Vincent)

One of the most photographed place in the city

Federation Square. Sometimes, performers are here

Degraves street

I think the highlight of our tour/shoot that day is the Graffiti walls:

Im so happy in this photo. Hosier Lane (Photo by Vincent)

We went to Union Lane and Hosier Lane. I think these graffiti changes everytime.

After a long day, Chicken Curry (forgot where we ate. Too hungry and tired.lol)

Melbourne Central (Mall) has this old train station look.

After a day of walking, talking and shooting, Vincent decided to take me to Brunetti to try something.

“His Tiramisu and Her Cheesecake”

I will have a separate post about Brunetti and their Tiramisu in Heaven. lol

This was a great start for me. I haven’t felt this rush in a long time. I even said that I thought I was still dreaming. I really can’t find the right words to describe everything in one post so I will try my best to post as much info next time. I think I’m too overwhelmed of everything until now.haha

**Hopefully, my next posts will have better photo quality and more informative. haha.

To see more about Melbourne, check out this link.

Christmas Summer Nights: Inspired or Sentimental?

December 8, 2013 Leave a comment

Oh I guess it is finally the time of the year wherein people get excited over things and of course the events. December means it is the start of Christmas Season at least for other countries. But in the Philippines, we start our season once September comes (“-Ber” months).

This year, my Christmas season is different. I am in Australia. I am with no family and just friends I barely know until now. It’ll be my first Christmas away from home, thus, my family L . Whenever people ask me what I want for Christmas, I couldn’t think of anything. I always tell people that I have everything that I wanted, materially speaking though. Haha. Most girls are said to be materialistic, but I think I am different. Yeah I want some things, but most of the time I always pray for good health, happiness, wisdom and peace of mind. These are the intangible things that I want.

I have been walking to work these days and I realized that I merely see the beauty of my surroundings. I started to notice the flowers, trees, birds and the sun rising. I feel more inspired as I walk my way to work. Even the cold summer breeze during the night inspires me. I seldom feel good and relax nowadays. But the breeze made me remember a lot of memories; my childhood, my friends, my family and even my ex – boyfriend.

I think most people feel sentimental during December or Christmas Season, the time of the year that is most celebrated but come to think of it, some people, including me, find it lonely. It was December of 2009, my father is bed ridden and we have to spend Christmas in the hospital. I was so sad that night. While everyone is sleeping, I can’t help but wonder how life would be without my father. L Another memory I always remember was back in 2003 or 2004. My family is having financial problems that time so it was our first Christmas which is not that festive. My mom even gave us inexpensive gifts despite our situation.

For last Christmas, my mom tried her best to make it so happy and festive. We have my Aunt’s family for Christmas and we did have the best time. My mom wanted me to experience happy Christmas since she knows I’ll be spending it alone this year.

Anyway, all is well nowadays. I have to update you people about what is happening to me. ASAP.

Cheers,

Hannah