Finding happiness is a challenge.
It is not easily attained.
You have to work hard for it.
It feels like you’re climbing a high mountain and the force of gravity is pulling you down.
You see the sky so blue today then a storm comes tomorrow.
Birds chirping good melodies then suddenly a group of crows shout loudly.
You look in the mirror and you see a shadow of despair.
But sometimes, a shine of light peaks thru the window.
A sign of little happiness on its way.
Behind those dark cloud is the sun wanting to come out.
Maybe it’s you who should go out
Explore the world and find the sun rays.
Choosing which path to take to find your happiness is confusing.
You can either be on a rocky road or in a straight easy way.
Whatever you choose, remember you can make it til the end.
Attaining happiness is not an ending.
It is a new beginning to someone else happiness.
Sharing it is the best part of all.
I just finished watching the movie “Begin Again” (Keira Knightly, Mark Ruffalo, Adam Levine) and I was totally amazed with it.
In the movie, Adam made a song that made Keira realize what he did. Later, Keira sends back a message to Adam thru a song voice message. Things got emotional between them and a song which Keira wrote and Adam sang became a perfect ending to the movie. (Ooopps sorry spoiler!).
Thinking that this movie might be just another Love story, I was not prepared. This is a good movie especially if you’re into Music and of course Adam Levine. Jk. But yeah mostly music. Be inspired to write songs and melodies. Pick up a pen and paper and your guitar. I don’t know with other people but after watching the movie, I totally appreciated more the meaning of the movie’s soundtrack, “Lost Stars.” It was such a good song that it was the reason I watched the movie. Hearing it sung in the movie melt my heart.
Most of my friends know that I love music. I am not good at playing musical instruments neither am I a songwriter. But thru music, I can express my feelings. Listening to what I usually hear whenever I’m sad, angry or happy, is a way you can get to know me better. Watching me enjoy my favorite bands live in a gig or concert is really enticing to the eyes. Letting me play a guitar is me showing you my vulnerability.
Throughout these years, I can easily connect with people thru music. Just a pop of question regarding their favorite song or artist is a way for me to start a conversation. Thru this, I can understand a person more. Hearing their type of music lets me know what their message or hidden emotions are.
Nowadays, music is one of my medium into knowing a great person, a special friend. At times when I just don’t want to say my feelings, I just send him hints thru my music. I just have no guts to tell someone what I am feeling exactly. I am scared, too afraid of things. Somehow I find the right songs for my message. Whew. Same goes with him. He doesn’t need to tell me details. He just picks a song for me to hear. One of these days, I can see us sitting down and playing songs, jamming. Him playing the guitar and me singing with another guitar. Just enjoying each others’ company thru music.
Begin Again : 5 Thumbs Up
It was such a busy day for me today Monday. I had Uni in the morning and work in the afternoon ’til the evening. I’ve been trying to blog lately. I really miss telling my story and others as well. I find it hard at times to find a topic to discuss. I guess I’m not that keen to post anything about movies, books, places and other things besides my personal life.
I told you a lot of times that reading my blog is like me inviting you to know me. I think nowadays I’m just emotional over things. I’m too overwhelmed of things and people as well. I passed by the phase of circle of confusion wherein I literally had a headache and emotional stress. Now, I am happier. I get to smile and laugh without thinking of other things and people’s feelings. Just thinking of my own happiness for now.
I remember in one of my favorite movie (Tada Kimi Wo Aishiteru) someone said, “You hold someone else’s happiness.” I think this is true for most people. Without you knowing it, you are someone’s happiness as well as sadness. I was. I am.
I wouldn’t elaborate on the sadness of things, I’ve done that in my previous posts. All I can share tonight is my happiness. I am happy on how are things now. Words and feelings have been expressed. It is clearer now. My phase of confusion is gone. I don’t know if God heard my prayers of asking for peace of mind. But I am happy. We are happy. :)
Loving this time is very inevitable.
Wrong timing. There’s no right timing in love.
There’s just a 50/50 chance. Yes or no to put your feet into it.
Serendipity. Fate. Destiny.
One of life’s poignancy and irony.
It’s either you make it or break it with him.
I think I’m delusional.
I couldn’t decipher even the easiest puzzle in front of me.
It’s too complex. I’m too complex.
How can a simple thing called Love be difficult.
Maybe I just make it complicated.
Vulnerable. Confusing. That’s how I describe it.
If only I can say everything, every word that comes to mind I will.
But the thing is, I know people will be hurt. I will be hurt.
Keeping quiet is my only option now. But it is hurting me.
It’s like a huge bomb waiting to explode inside me.
I couldn’t help but wonder, do I deserve this silent love?
I watched the movie “Extremely Loud Incredibly Close.” I was not aware of what the movie was all about. I was just curious because of the title and because it’s main guy was a child trying to discover things. I didn’t know that this will be in time and will bring me to tears at the end.
Oskar’s father died on 9/11 incident in US. It has been a year yet it seems that everything still lingers, the memory and the death of his father. So he looked for something which can be a way to communicate with his late father.
If you were a family, friend or a reader hanging all the time here in my blog, you might know that I lost my father 4 years ago. We lost him with cancer.
Ever since his death, I would tell my friends to live their life better and appreciate things especially their family. My father’s death still affects me until now. I remembered the first year was tough for me. I try not to watch movies about father and child. Every time there’s a wedding, I would go outside or go somewhere once the ‘father – daughter’ dance comes up. I just couldn’t do it. I was hurting. I am still hurting. It seems that it was just like yesterday.
I usually post something about him every time my heart gets broken by someone or if I’m hurting in general. I always tell others that the only breakup which I can’t move on was his death. The feeling of his lose is 10x much hurt to me. Of course he is my father. We weren’t close, but I was his princess, his third love (1st is his mother, 2nd is my mom), his one and only daughter. As years pass by, I try to keep memories of him thru my posts or my journals. I am afraid of forgetting him. The only photo we had together was during my birthday celebration a year before he died.
It’ll be fathers’ day here in Australia this Sunday. This year I’m not prepared. I would probably lock myself at home and detach from online community just for one day to avoid seeing the greetings especially the happy photos of my friends with their fathers.
I am like Oskar, given a chance I would do anything just to talk to my father or spend some time with him. I regret not spending quality time with him. I regret not talking to him like he was my best friend. I regret not saying that I love him.
I have a good memory for when I started writing.This skill/ talent isn’t innate in me but I just developed it through the years. I think my whole totality started to come out since I started writing as well.
Back in my gradeschool, I used to be this awkward smart nerd in school whom everyone doesn’t notice (I think that I was invisible to them). Like one of my friends said, I talk to people which means I’m all over the place, thus, no permanent friends. Gradeschool in the Philippines is somehow like that. Every year you make new friends then mostly neglect your old friends. I even didn’t notice that not until my best friend now told me that I became a snob after Grade 2. hahaha. So much for being a friend ae. I think I just stopped being a snob and started opening up to people since Grade 5 and 6. From there, I developed close friends. I was less of the awkward girl that I used to be. lol. I think people started liking me in a good way atleast. I remembered one of our teacher gave us this activity wherein you divide a box into positive and negative. Your classmates can write to you on a piece of paper what they like or hate about you or if you did something nice or bad to them. Positive things sent to you should be folded and thrown into the positive side while a crumpled paper is into the negative side. More positive than negative things is a good start right.That’s when I started understanding myself better. Unknowingly, they like me as being nice, generous, helpful and a good friend.
When I started my Freshmen year in Highschool, we had a teacher who was also our adviser, Ms Helen. She gave us this weekly assignment of keeping a journal/diary in which she is the only one who can read it. I kept on writing and writing about stuff, people, etc in it. No hesitations. No regrets. It seems that it was my only pathway to expressing myself, my true self. I mean I’m not pretentious or anything. I’m just reserved and I have a hard time trusting people. Anyway, I started writing heaps and heaps. A page was not enough to tell everything. haha. Back then I wasn’t aware that there was an online community for writing,thus, blogging.
After that assignment, I started keeping a journal. Even though I tried hiding it from my brothers,they still find it anyway. So I stopped writing. That’s when I found out about Blogs. Since then I have a love hate relationship on my blogs. There was a time in which my friend got mad at me because of a post I made about her. Afterwards, that’s I became careful posting stuff.
My previous blogs were confused. No certain category. No Tabs. No anything besides me sharing stuff. That’s why I started this Blog.
My blog is my personal space. I get lost every time I compose something here. I can go to places, try out things, and be with people all around the world. You reading my blog is like me being vulnerable to you. I’m not good into opening up to people personally, but in writing, I can fully express and can find the right words to explain almost everything. :)
It’s like I’m reading a book, and it’s a book I deeply love, but I’m reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it’s in this endless space between the words that I’m finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world, it’s where everything else is that I didn’t even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now, and this is who I am now. – Samantha (Her)
A friend of mine reminded me about the movie “Her.” Months ago, Theodore split up with his wife and childhood friend. Then he came to purchase an Operating System in which programmed to suit his needs. He chose a female OS, thus, Samantha. Being at ease with each other, they fell inlove and come to a realization that the world (Human and Cyber) is large and there is still other beings living in it.
Being in my situation now that I’m still hurting and trying to cope up with personal things, I came to ponder more upon watching this movie.
People may see me as a jolly, cheerful and optimistic person. I am, but some time, I became this anti social, lonely and depressed person. All do pass this stage in life I guess.
Just last July, I left Philippines again and moved to Melbourne Australia. It didn’t occur to me that this time it is going to be different. I am going to be different. Since I came here, a lot had happened. As I said on my previous post, my first few days were my happiest. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. New place, new degree, new friends, new adventure. But with this new life, I still have my family and friends to think about. I live far from them but my life is still connected to them. They’re a part of me.
Reading this quote from the movie made me just nod. I mean, I am in her position right now. I can’t help the changes happening. I wanted to discover more things. I left someone special back home but it seems that we couldn’t make things work as of now. I’m trying to contain something from our relationship but I can’t find one. Just doubts on myself. Feeling confused, I still can’t figure out anything. How love works or how people sustain it.
In another movie, it was said that your love for someone will remain but is never the same as before. Change is inevitable. It’s either you grow together or you drift apart. It’s your choice. I wasn’t sure if we drifted apart. But I believe that we aren’t growing together anymore. Someone else was left behind. That’s a reality I can’t control.
I can say that I haven’t really changed a lot. I mean I just learned to express myself more here in Australia. I haven’t been this true to myself ever. I can blurt out things instantly now. I’ve been spontaneous with things especially with life. I interact with people now and try not to be so anti – social most of the time. I think people or my other friends just misconstrued my true self as change.
I always say that most of the time, people around you change and it’s you who isn’t. This might be true in some cases. But I realized that we both change. It is so abrupt that you just get surprised.
Change. Love. Hate. That’s LIFE.
P.S. I admit my fault and I said sorry for leaving and hurting him. :(